Tuesday 2 September 2014

Silence - is it golden?

Silence....

This post is a hard one to write. Let's go back a few months ago.
I want to apologize for not 'continuing' my journey as I had planned. My life has been - well - hectic x 1000! Due to family circumstances I needed to find employment that would give me more than 1 day a week. I landed a 'good' j-o-b that became all consuming. Hard pressure sales job. The job itself isn't hard but the leadership - lets just say they need to read more people-skills books. The pressure was mounting. I had quite a bit to deal with on the home front and now add this job stress. My body decided it would revolt to the pressure and I began to crumble. Checked in with my doctor - he strongly suggested a "stress leave" and "change of job". Easier said than done on both counts! SO to add to the already mounting anxiety/panic attacks - now I feel guilty (that I left a large hole in the company where I occupied space) and now - sit? Relax? Enjoy life? WHAT?!? How do I do that?!? I'm not lazy?!? I have some hard lessons to learn here!



I'm not writing this so I receive sympathy or as a poor me - I'm writing this to tell myself - I have a plan. I know how to get through this! I'm giving myself a self talk. I need to speak positive to myself. I heard a speaker once say,  "if your loved one spoke to you like you speak to yourself - you would probably punch them in the throat"
SO why do we speak so negatively to ourselves? I need to take time and dig deep. I have been reading leadership, attitude, relationship books for quite a while now. I have been preparing for this day (unknowingly of course).


I have been surrounded by an ocean of negative words and attitudes from this j-o-b for months. As a child/youth I had always heard: GARBAGE IN/GARBAGE OUT. Ouch.  It is so hard to live positive when you are surrounded by negative - I tried. I fought to stay positive. The problem was, I wasn't allowing any time for positive influences to combat the negative.
I was allowing the negative to take over. The war raging inside was so real. I am a strong person - if you know 'the personalities' yup - I'm a raging choleric! I thought nothing could take me down. As they say; the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Up until last week however, I could feel I was losing control. Silence was killing me. Sherri crying at work! What? You get the idea. I need to move on.

So - moving forward what am I going to do? The doctor has ordered me to stop what I am doing, and get better. First things first. Positive In will result in Positive Out.

Back to reading. 

Not fiction or the latest books in the must read shelves at the nearest bookstore. Books that will help me change my life. My attitude. Help me with relationships with my husband, my kids, and my friends. Books that the authors have fruit on the tree. They have successfully mastered what they have written. I have leadership and motivational cds coming out my ears. Again - positive influence.

I need to listen to them daily.

I need to reach down and find all the life principles I have learned over the years and start the healing process.

 It's time.


At the same time - stop looking so hard at myself and help others. Thousands of people need something positive spoken over their life! I need to be careful that I don't consume myself with me. Surround myself again with those that are encouraging and uplifting. TALK to people! Not whining or poor me. It's ok for people to know you are going through something. My mom always said, 'is it a hill to die on'. There are times that whatever the 'fight' is, isn't worth dying for. A petty argument or a silly issue. Other times? Absolutely! Fight for your freedom, your rights, your life!

Right now - I'm yelling from the mountain tops! FIGHT! Don't sit silent and try to wish it away. Allow people to help you. Allow people to speak into your life. If you need someone to talk to? I'm here. Don't be silent. Help yourself. Only YOU can pull yourself out. YOU have to make the decision to get out of bed. Look in the mirror and say, YOU are great. YOU have a purpose. YOU need to make a difference.


I won't be throwing all my dirty laundry onto Facebook or twitter or even on this blog. I'm writing this praying it makes a difference to one person. It's going to be a good day!


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