Thought about stopping

Have you ever wanted to give up or quit?  Yup, me too.
I've also said, "I'll try. But if it doesn't work out in 6 months.. I'm out! "
My good friend Claude Hamilton says "what if we tried that attitude with pregnancy?" Five months in,  I'm so sick, tired and fat.. I'm done.  That baby isn't arriving until they are ready,  doesn't matter how you feel about it!

There is no try, only DO.

Setting our feelings and wants aside, there is one question, who is watching?  EVERYBODY!  I know what you're are saying  ...  "I don't care what people are thinking". You are right,  I don't either. But that isn't what I said.  The key word is "watching".  If we set a goal or a promise or a committment,  they are watching if we will cross that finish line. The cheerleaders AND the critics.

In my journey today,  my kids are watching,  especially my girls.  Mom set a goal for weight loss and to feel beautiful in that swimsuit.  And,  to apply for the LA Vie En Rose Aqua Brand Ambassador,  at my age and physique.  Yes.. I'm up  against the 20 something's where their body has not been put through childbearing,  five times!

What kind of example am I showing my kids if I give up? I'm telling them when it gets hard or feels impossible, to give up. Throw in the towel.  We can't give up.  We have to keep going.  Never quit.  We live in an drive thru society and with that comes instant thinking.  We don't take the time to think things through.  I'm not talking weeks or months,  just longer than a moment.  It took me a few days to decide if I wanted to take on this challenge. No one forced me. I had to think of the commitments it would take.  I'm not ancient but I'm not 20 anymore either.  I have the battle scares to prove it!  I need to do this for me. I couldn't make the decision flippantly, my kids are watching.  Yes they see me fall,  but they see me get back up and try again.  We are what our parents were.  Our kids will be what we are. Our grandchildren will be what our kids are!  This goes on for generations.  If you don't like what you are or where you are or where your life is going.  CHANGE. Your kids are watching.They will do what you do. If you don't have children of your own,  I can probably bet you have a neice or nephew or a friends child that is watching you and you may not even realize it.

The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in determination.  Tommy Lasorda

Our kids are watching.  They need us to show them what it takes to win.  We need to be the example of how to succeed in life,  marriage and relationships not Hollywood. I want my kid's to look at my husband and I as their Heros,  not look up to their favorite sports athlete or superhero. I want the dash between my birth date and my death date... my DASH...  to count in my children's life.

I'm not going to give up!  I have made a commitment to myself and my children are watching my struggle turn into my victory.

Obstacles...getting in our way

We overcome obstacles everyday. When we see the word 'obstacle' what do you think of? A mountain? An actual obstacle course? A locked door? A storm?
I think of an obstacle as a hurdle. I am so amazed with the athletic hurdle races. During the Summer Olympics, they jump over the hurdles so fast and with such ease. Some of our personal obstacles might be so small that we leap over like that athlete. Other obstacles can halt us in our tracks. I just envisioned my two year old grandson running up to one of those hurdles...he would stop for a moment, looking over his options and run under it!

What are some obstacles that we could be facing?
Your surroundings
Fear of failure
Fear of getting your hopes up
Bad habits
Not wanting to change
Emotions
Low self-esteem
Your past
A family member or a friend
Time
Anger
Bitterness
Sadness
Finances
Attitude
Jealousy

When we allow an obstacle to take control, it can be very overwhelming and frustrating. Worse yet, it is so hard to move forward with all that weight on your back.
From the list above, pick one obstacle that you may be facing today. Or make note of an obstacle that isn't listed. What is the common denominator? YOU; and only YOU can take on that obstacle. There are so many times I want to help my spouse or child with an obstacle in their life. But they have to battle it out! It's a one on one battle. Surround yourself with those that will encourage, uplift and cheer you on, but this battle is yours!

I am a visual learner. This picture came to my mind.
Pick up a brick and name it. I don't mean a person's name, we don't want a pet rock to keep or treasure. Write the 'obstacle' on that brick and place it in the backpack and put it on your back. At first, the backpack isn't too heavy. It's bearable. But it certainly weighs more than an empty backpack. If you carry that brick around, everyday, that backpack eventually will feel heavier. Your shoulders start to ache and then your back. Then maybe your legs start to feel that extra weight. One horrible thought! We usually never carry around just ONE brick. We have the potential to carry many bricks at one time. The backpack becomes heavier. Our steps become shorter and sluggish. We hunch over and round our backs to try and even out the weight. If you were trying to run a marathon, who would cross the finish line first? The one that has an empty backpack or full one? I know, not a brilliant question. So why do we walk around trying to run for goals or get to the finish line with a backpack filled with bricks! No wonder we walk around looking so tired and weary!

Have you ever sat on the edge of your bed at night, too tired to even think about getting into your pjs? Completely exhausted from the day, but felt like you didn't DO anything? I've been there, ALOT! You try and make a mental list of all the things you accomplished and, well, you got dressed that day!
That's my obstacle. My calendar, time.

As I have mentioned before, I'm a mom of five amazing kids! Meema (grandma) of three of the sweetest and cutest children on this planet! (yes, I'm too young to be a Meema) and a wife to my best friend. I'm busy. I'm working. I'm a taxi. Never mind housework that desperately needs throwing in there! I'm a MOM. And the first step to freedom is admitting the problem or in this case the obstacle. My calendar controls me. It tells me where I need to be and at what time. THEN! Call me crazy! I add on ONE MORE thing to my calendar of things to do. My challenge, to apply to become the Brand Ambassador for La Vie En Rose Aqua. Before I will even submit my application, I have some goals I need to reach. I have to exercise daily, try to eat healthier meals, which needs planning and a focus. I need to get in control of my calendar, not my calendar controlling me. At the end of the day, when my calendar has been my boss, I am frustrated and I should tweet #FAIL because that is how I feel. There were SO many things I needed to do, things I needed to accomplish.

How can I deal with this obstacle?

Well, I found a friend that I KNOW has mastered her time. She has three babies under the age of four and a newborn arriving in August! And she is stress-free, ALL the time. She is in control of her time. She suggested I read a book on time management. Until I have completed that book, so that I can feel like I can 'check' off things, I put everything in my calendar. And I mean everything. Even the time to read my book. Or call someone. If there is a task I want to do, it's in the calendar. I am thrown curve balls. That is life. So, I pull out my phone and look at what I was to do during that time, and see what can be moved to the next day or later. At the end of the day, did I hit everything on that calendar? No. But I was in control. I don't feel defeated because I know I did my best. Have I conquered time management? Not yet, but I'm gaining ground in this battle!

Getting over an obstacle isn't impossible or hopeless. It takes focus, goal setting and making that goal, dream or finish line LARGER and HIGHER than the obstacle. Then deal with the obstacle. Don't brush it aside or wish it away. It will return because you have given it power to do so. Dig in and learn how you can overcome.
What I have found when dealing with an obstacle, I talked to a friend who had the fruit on the tree. I read books on that topic, knowing the author had nailed it! Last but not least, be positive. Your attitude and words reflect what you are dwelling on. When you take a positive battery and a negative battery and try to put them together, they deflect! Make your positive battery bigger, the negative needs pushing out!

Together, let's conquer these obstacles.

Make that Change!

Websters Dictionary tells us the definition: the act, process, or result of making different 

There is a song that my friend Tara Ferrusi and I sing to the top of our lungs! We love "Man in the Mirror" by the late Michael Jackson. We are not necessarily fans of Michael but the lyrics to this song are amazing. The message is so meaningful!

I won't make you read the whole song - but there are some key phrases or words that I would like to focus on.

"Man In The Mirror" 

I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life. It's gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference, gonna make it right......I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways. And no message could have been any clearer; if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change. Make That Change.

As I am working through this 'transformation' - I'm making some changes that right now are hard but I know in the end, it will be worth it. So many of us really don't like change. I know I don't like the seasonal change from summer to fall because then I KNOW what's around the corner! If you live in Canada or Northern States you know what I'm talking about! That 4 letter word that we have had enough of already! Some of us don't like moving from our hometown. We are comfortable with our surroundings. I know I have a hard time making changes in my schedule. The night before I go over my schedule, I know what I'm doing the next day, where I'm going, who I need to meet and at what time. But when I get that phonecall. "momma, I need a ride. Can you pick me up?" Or "can you go WAY out of your way to do something. At that moment, my insides hit a panic button. I scramble for my calendar to see how I can fit the change in!

"To improve is to change. To perfect is to change often." - Winston Churchill

Why do we resist change so much? Are we too comfortable where we are at? Are we afraid because we don't know what to expect if we take the steps to change? Change is not easy - but if we are willing to sacrifice the 'good', we will gain 'great'. I need to make changes to make a difference in my life. Are you willing to make some changes? In the long run - you will be glad you did!

"Unless you are prepared to give up something valuable you will never be able to truly change at all, because you'll be forever in the control of things you can't give up." Andy Law Creative Company

Perfection?

I came across this Buzzfeed video that was posted to Facebook by Upworthy and it really made me think about why it is I am dieting, exercising and blogging. I mean, if you go back to my original post you'll see that I have set a goal to become a brand ambassador for La Vie En Rose Aqua, but, why?
Why am I trying to lose weight? Is it because I don't look like the gorgeous swimwear models in the ads? Or is it because I know I don't feel like I am the best me I can be?

I think with all the various media images bombarding our senses every day, it is easy to have an unrealistic view of beauty. The last thing I want to do with this blog - and with my personal challenge - is to play into a warped sense of reality by striving for an unattainable picture of perfection. Rather, my goal is to become better today than I was yesterday. To achieve my personal best; body, mind and spirit.

And maybe, just maybe, inspire someone along the way. 

Love

What is Love? Love is many things to all of us. For some, it's a hug from a loved one, a child's laughter, the smell of freshly baked cookies. For some it's getting an encouraging word from a friend, a flower, or chocolate. I Love receiving gifts. I walked in Friday from errands and my grandson shoves his Valentine artwork into my hands..."Here Meema, I lum you! Happy Valemtimes Day!"
From my hubby! My ultimate favourite is TIME. Just being with him. No cost in spending time. I feel most Loved when he's around me. And his hugs from the squeezes to the gentle ones. And yes,  I do Love the flowers. My flowers change from time to time but when I see the faitful rose, I get all warm inside. My eyes light up when I see a box or bag from La Vie En Rose! I KNOW it's something I will Love!

Love is all around us if we just look. I like to people watch. Some things I wish I didn't see. A mother yelling at her child when a firm tone would suffice. A couple arguing. A child crying. I Love to see a child holding a loving adults hand. Two little ones skipping down the walkway. A couple - almost touching forheads speaking softly so no one hears. My grandson wanting up so he can put his arms around my neck and nuzzle in.

Have we have lowered the meaning of the word LOVE ? I love hotdogs. I love her hair. I love that car. I love that outfit. Websters Dictionary explains Love to be..."strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties"  That is what true Love is all about.

It's so apropriate that Valentines Day is the same weekend with Family Day. I hope you are doing what I'm doing, spending time and Loving my family.

Make sure you take time to love yourself.

Looking good....on the inside

Each new day as I walk through this journey, I come across women - like you and me - trying to figure out the 'why' and 'how' to get motivated to do what we all know we need to do.  So many women around me, all trying so hard to 'fix' the problem areas - on the outside. 

I just had a GREAT conversation with my best friend Kim MacLaren. She is my bundle of inspiration and in EVERY conversation, she is encouraging. I LOVE talking to her. I love being with her. She is my confidant, my BFF, as the kids say. When we are together...look out world!

We have fun. Our parents take a deep breath when they know we are together! We laugh, we hug, we have quiet times, we celebrate, we have times of sadness. We just love spending time together. 

We got talking about this 'challenge' and during the course of our conversation, she commented that the last week or so, a consistant theme from so many women was, "we are trying to make a change, trying to make healthier choices trying the latest diet or the latest exercise. Maybe this will work this time."

My thoughts? It is important to put at least some effort into being healty and fit. However, we can work all we want to look GREAT on the outside but we need to take a breath and ask ourselves, "WHO are we doing this for?" Whatever we do, we need to do it for us. Not for 'them' but for 'us'. We need to find that 'why' - that incredibly personal piece of inspiration that will motivate us! 

Taking this one step deeper, we can do whatever it takes to look good outside but how are we on the inside? I'm not just talking about eating healthy, but are we 'fit' inside - our whole being. Mentally, Emotionally and Physically. Let me throw this out there and try to explain what I mean. I saw a post today and it rang loud and clear in my ears..

We need to be so careful what we say to others; in fun, in jest, in anger, in bitterness, in jealousy, in the spur of the moment, etc. Our words can cut so deeply that apologizing sometimes just feels like a band aid. the wound may eventually heal, but the scar tissue is deep.

Let me talk for a moment how it can effect the one on the receiving end of those negative words. We can carry hurtful words with us for years. It can affect our whole world. It can affect our relationships. It can affect how we treat our kids, parents, friends, spouse. It can affect our attitude throughout our entire life. It can affect our perspective. IF we let it. 

We need to do whatever it takes to get rid of the baggage we drag behind us. Talk to someone. Find a BFF to connect with. Fill your mind with positive, encouraging books, blogs, or cds. I remember hearing as a kid, garbage in - garbage out. The opposite is also true, positive in - positive out. 

What really matters is living a life that is good on the inside — 

not one that just looks good from the outside.  Ann Voskamp

I want to flip the coin on this one and spend a few moments on "How we speak to ourselves." We carry our own words forever. Those words replay in our minds all day and all night.You want to talk about the wounds still being there at 10 years? More like forever! 
If you said to your friend what you contiually tell yourself, most likely they would punch you in the mouth! So why do we allow ourselves to say these negative things? Why do we beat ourselves up? Our lives are surrounded by negative all day; at work, co-workers, the radio, the news, television, books, movies and magazines! 

Not long ago, I sat in the middle of the mall for just a few moments, people watching. WOW! The SCOWLS on faces could scare ya! Negativity and sadness was everywhere! Please don't throw yourself onto that pile! 
Our words have power. I honestly believe what we say, WILL happen. If you tell yourself you are sick long enough, you will become sick! If we tell ourselves we are failures, that we can't do anything right, you are most likely prophesying your future as those words will resound in our hearts and minds forever.

They say you form a habit in 21days (3 weeks). On this journey that I am on I can think of  many things I can be negative about! Remember that word - workout? YUP! Not crazy about workouts.Or staying away from carbs, sweets, chips! BUT I can make a change in 21 days!
For the next 3 weeks, let's pause before we say something negative, and spin it for something positive.Wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and say, Hey Gorgeous! You are going to have a great day!  Let's get rid of things that negativity in our lives. No negative talk and for the rest of your day let's stay positive. We will be thrown every curve ball know to man-kind! It will be tough! But today is the day! We start today!

For every Goal/Dream, there is a Struggle which leads to Victory.  After 21 days, a habit will be formed. Filling our minds and hearts with positive, the negative HAS to go - there is only so much room in there!

I have heard through the grapevine that others have tried to comment on the blog posts and are having trouble. I'm not getting those comments! So please - email me than I'm sure to get it. sherri.prankard@gmail.com  I would love to hear your stories and thoughts, success stories and what has worked for you! Or tell me about a friend that has encouraged you, inspired you. Brag about them! Share with me a story that you think may help others and I can include it in the blog.

You ARE beautiful!

Another day in my journey! Sorry my blog post is really late - but it has taken some time to write this one and I am a busy mom/meema ;)

I don't want to bore you with "this is what I did at 830am - then 834am and 9am...". You know what I have committed to do along my journey. I want to use this time rather, to share the deeper thoughts and emotions that this challenge is invoking in hopes that perhaps maybe, I might be able to (in some small way) inspire, encourage and help you as you observe me, To understand that no matter our age, size, shape, colour, background, or past, we are strong and we can do what we set our minds to do.

I received a Facebook message from a friend who moved away a long time ago - I'm trying to think back to the last time I saw her. It was probably 20+ years for sure! We have connected over social media the last few years and have enjoyed catching up! I was encouraged to receive this timely note



When I read your words, they resonated huge. Seeing it like that, in writing, made me take a moment to again acknowledge my goals etc. But honestly though, it also made me think how much more we are than our weight, our clothes size, etc. How very hard we are on ourselves. We are strong women, with families, friends, lives to be proud of. We are represented by much more than the number on the scale! I'm right there with you, wanting to be a healthier self, but I think it's important to balance it out. When I ran yesterday and thought I was going to die, I told myself 'you are strong, you are healthier for this, you can do it, this body has grown 3 humans, I'm strong' Anyways! Thanks for your words - your honesty - and your inspiration. I will be following along.


I can't tell you how much her comments, along with the others I've received, mean to me. Thank you for letting me know that we are in this thing together.

I've been thinking of Marilyn Monroe since they other day at La Vie En Rose where the girl assisting me (Emily) commented that my new Aqua swimsuit was "Marilyn Monroe classy",  
I have had an interest in her life for a long time.Maybe it was the old Elton John song, "Candle In The Wind" that peaked my interest. I don't really recall.

Over the years I have read a few books and memoirs about her and always thought Marilyn was beautiful (I still do - I have always wanted Marilyn Monroe hair - style and colour!). I was intrigued by her life and how she bounced around from man to man. Almost like she was looking for something. 
As it turned out, she had a very rough life growing up as a child, Even into her adult years, although she 'looked' happy, happiness seemed to elude her. 

Marilyn tried SO HARD to fit in, to be loved by the right man (which always was the wrong one). Marilyn was a robot - doing exactly what she was told to do, say and be. Tragically, her short life ended at 36 years of age "like a candle in the wind". 

If you Google pictures of Marilyn Monroe, you'll notice as I did, that she wasn't necessarily the modern swimsuit model we see in magaizines today. She fluctuated from a size 6 all the way to 16 (at her heaviest). She was approximately 5' 5" tall and at her heaviest weighed 140 pounds. 
The photo I am posting was taken at her heaviest. Now, I don't know about you, but in my opinion, Marilyn Monroe at 140 pounds radiated beauty. Yes she still looked amazing, beautiful and sexy!

I can't tell you why, as beautiful as she was, Marilyn Monroe was unhappy. I can tell you however, that we, as beautiful women have to STOP allowing media/hollywood dictating what beauty is. Many of the Hollywood "a-list" have money to make their hips shrink and their boobs grow. They have the time and money to hire private personal trainers and workout hours on end if they wish.

I'm talking about me..you..the rest of us! This is about about you and I and our personal and individual journies. It is about who we are trying to become, and to me, that is beautiful.

I will end with the words written by Nike:

“A woman is often measured by the things she cannot control. She is measured by the way her body curves or doesn’t curve. By where she is flat or straight or round. She is measured by 36-24-36 and inches and ages and numbers. By all the outside things that don’t ever add up to who she is on the inside. And so if a woman is to be measured, let her be measured by the things she can control, by who she is and who she is trying to become because as every woman knows, measurements are only statistics, and statistics lie.”     

Dreading exercise and NO cheating!

Everyday in our life - we need to set goals. If we don't set any - we will jump on any path and eventually end up right where we started - frustrated and ready to quit. 

If I don't know what my goals are or how I'm going to get there - how can I achieve that goal? How can I stay accountable to my word. Speaking my goals into existance, putting them in black and white will help me to strive and achieve them. 
I want you to know that for this next month - I have committed to swear off sweets, sugar, `bad`carbs AND drink lots of water, make healthier choices and oh yeah; workout. Right - there is that `word'..I am so DREADING the workout. However, if I want to succeed, I need to eat healthier and exercise.
My goal? In one months time, to look good in THE swimsuit I just purchased! AND to become the Brand Ambassador for La Vie En Rose Aqua.

The list above is to remind me what I promised to do and what I won't do to achieve my goal. In our house, my husband reminds the children over and over, there is no try - only do. Is this going to be hard? Absolutely! The only thing, at this time, I won't give up my coffee. I have an addiction. There - I said it! Yes, I'm addicted to coffee. I only need one a day, not one pot a day - like some people I know, who will remain nameless. However, if I don't have a coffee 20 minutes from opening my eyes in the morning...let's just say 'it aint pretty'! Along with it comes the migraines. Right now, I think I will be putting my body into enough shock that taking away coffee would send me over the edge. Lets take care of one issue at a time! 

Not to long ago I was a fitness trainer. I was in good shape. Working out all the time - helping clients/members achieve their goals. I wasn't 'muscle' bound or 'defined' but I was strong, lean, healthy and fit. I was happy about how I looked. Over the last 2 years, jobs change, time runs away, get busy running after all my kids and grandkids, playing taxi! This doesn't include my dreams or desires or even time with my hubby! Now I'm, well - remember this is about ME. I'm not pointing fingers (refer to "Call Me Crazy" blog post number one). But I feel a tad overweight. I can't wear most of the clothes in my closet. I'm not the best that I can be. 
I have been 'active-ish' over the last few years, I certainly don't sit on the couch and eat bonbons everyday. I did train for a half marathon 2 years ago, due to travelling with my son, I missed that marathon. All that to say - I need to preach to the choir! (not you but to ME) I know the do's and don'ts. I know what works and what doesn't work for me. And as for my weaknesses? chocolate, chips and dip! Oh no! I said it! Guess what I'm craving! Can someone pass the celery please? Maybe I can trick my brain..these are chips.. I know it's green and watery tasting, not at all the likness of chips. Oh who am I foolin! Good thing the chips didn't make it into the grocery cart yesterday! 

Just before Christmas I was  feeling sluggish and not happy in my clothes.  I wanted to get into shape. Feel healthier. Feel sexy in my own skin. I had picked up a Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred and I was going to workout every day. Great intentions but no activity. 
Two weeks ago I popped that dvd in and started, determined to workout every day. Let's just say Jillian kicked my rearend all the way to the procelin throne. It was horrible. I felt horrible. I was dizzy, weak kneed, nauseated, queasy, wobbly, oh it was NOT good. My poor dad called me in the middle of the ordeal and I had the poor guy worried - threatening to take me to emerge! He thought I was having a heart attack! Hindsight is always 20/20 - I think I had a mild asthma attack. I have asthma but not until recent years so it never affected my workouts in the past! I crawled over to my couch and slept for 2.5hours waking up groggy and vowing NEVER to workout again. I rationalized and told myself that I could do a little workout here and there and get by. That I only needed a few pounds to take off and maybe if I just take away the chips and pop, I would be fine.  NEVER again was I going to try that workout. I was really feeling defeated. I felt and looked terrible! Not long ago I was fit, I was toned..what happened?! Ah yes - I'm over 40 years of age and my metabolism has grinded to a halt. 

The perfect storm formed. The journey began.  

On Sunday, I convinced myself to give it ONE MORE TRY. 

I headed up the stairs to my bedroom - running shoes on - water in my hand ready to work out!  I did it! I finished the workout. And two days in a row! When I felt like I was going down for the count - I slowed down - took it at a 1/4 of the speed.

Did I feel sore and winded - you bet - but I did it!  I'm on the road of my new journey! I have finished the workout - 2 days in a row - here goes my third!

"What you can become depends on what you can overcome." 

Anthony Douglas Williams

Can You Sell Swimwear & Lingerie AND Change the World?

I've always believed that true change cannot be obtained alone. We are interdependent. It is with this thought in mind that I know I am going to need the help and support of you, my friends, as well as the friends I am about to meet on my journey. Yesterday, I met Emily.

I woke up feeling excited - anxious - apprehensive. Ok, I was a nervous wreck! What have I signed up for? I'm already a busy mom/meema. How could I possibly add MORE to my plate? I've been told many times that if you want something bad enough, you will find the time/money to accomplish your goal. I will find time to make this happen. 

It was a busy day - setting up the blog - lining up the ducks and then launching this journey! After lunch I donned on my workout clothes and runners - ready to (gulp) workout with Jillian Michaels!  (@JillianMichaels)  I found excuse after excuse for a half an hour to try and 'waste' time. I'll go into the reason WHY in a future post. . 
My husband turned to me and says - "ummmm...shouldn't you go pick out a swimsuit BEFORE you get all sweaty?"  RIGHT! I kicked off the runners and put on my boots. (another diversion to not working out) We headed out the door towards the outlet mall here in Niagara to pick out THE SWIMSUIT to represent the challenge (#LVERaquaContest). La Vie En Rose. (@_la_vie_en_rose) I really like their clothing line.. the lingerie AND the comfy pjs, the undergarments and the swimwear! 

That is where I met Emily, the sales associate.  We chatted for a few moments - what I was looking for, what was my style, did I prefer pattern or solid colours? TOO many choices!  I ended up with quite a few pieces of swimwear in the dressing room and one was a bikini! Emily stayed close. I thanked her and warned my hubby to stay VERY close as his wife would NOT be coming out tooooo far. I tried on the bikini as she suggested...didn't look bad. I explained to her the journey I was embarking on and that the swimsuit I chose would be a key to my success.  

Emily is the first person (outside of my four walls) who really seemed to 'get it' when I shared my thinking behind this challenge. She agreed that as women age, there are some that still want to dress like they haven't. For many of us though, if we can figure out "our style", we can radiate the same confidence and (may I say) sexiness that we did in our twenties without having to dress provocatively or suggestive. Does that make sense? 

Let me put it bluntly. There are some 40-somethings that should not wear an itsy-bitsy-teeny-weenie-polka-dot-bikini. I happen to be one.

Now, I did try on a two-piece bikini. I was VERY nervous pulling back that curtain - revealing myself to my husband AND Emily - me - in a bikini! I was extremely self conscious! But she put me right at ease with her sincerity. The fact that she took an interest and understood my mindset in entering this challenge was incredibly reassuring.

"A girl should be 2 things; classy and fabulous"

Coco Chanel

More than just Emily's obvious sense of fashion and amazing customer service; she understood this challenge on a deeper level. While I was changing, we continued our conversation. Our chat came around to her own feelings of self-consciousness in a two-piece. She, in fact, had hers on the night before, doing the 24 hour challenge. Have you heard of this?

"Nominees" have to preform some sort of stunt in the snow wearing only their underwear or swimsuits. Once completed, they post the video on line and nominate others to do the same. The thing that compelled Emily to perform her own 24-hour challenge was the benefit to a friend of hers battling lime disease. For every challenge completed, funds will be donated to help Matt Risi fight this disease.

I was so impressed with this young woman who understood the importance of interconnectedness and doing good where and when we can. Our own family's philosophy has always been "See a need; meet a need" - and what a priveledge to meet others like Emily who share in that sense of duty. 

"Be the change you want to see in the world" Ghandi 

I tried on a few more pieces and suddenly - I found THE ONE! Yup - this was perfect! It was exactly what I was looking for. Emily agreed. The look is classic - "Marilyn Monroe Classic" as she called it.

I felt kinda silly - I mean it took 3 of us to find THE ONE. But - this swimsuit was extremely important. This swimsuit represents `beginning with the end in mind`. This swimsuit will represent my transformation.

I headed home with this special bag - this item of clothing was going to change how I would look at myself for a long time. I don't want this to be a `resolution`. Resolutions come and go, EVERY year! This will be a lifestyle change. This is my transformation .

Change is hardest at the beginning, messiest in the middle and best at the end.

 Robin Sharma

Thank you Emily (@emmmilyd) whether you like it or not - you are now a part of my journey. I am glad I met you today.

Call Me Crazy

Before I explain what it is I'm doing, let me take a moment to explain my thinking behind what it is I'm doing.

Remember the movie, The Perfect Storm, and how three major weather events converged at the same place, at the same time to create what meteorologists labeled "the perfect storm"? Well, I had one of those happen in my life this past week (metaphorically speaking of course). Here's what happened:

Storm #1:
I am a grandmother of three beautiful children who call me "Meema". I love the name and I love each of them so much it hurts; but that's not really my point here. My "storm" is that I am a grandmother! I am aging and there is really nothing I can do to stop that fact, however, I can do something about how I look and feel - and lately that has been something I have been neglecting.

My husband loves me and says only amazingly flattering things about me and my appearance. The truth of the matter is however, I am - and feel - completely out of shape. "Beauty is skin deep" they say (who are they?), but I know better. Beauty comes from deep within. It's an inside job, and for me personally, I know I am not at my best, and that makes me feel less "beautiful".

Please understand this is my journey, and these are my feelings. Some of my best friends are "bigger girls" who are absolutely gorgeous inside and out. I am not talking about them, nor do I have anything other than love for them. This is about me.

Storm #2
My across-the-street neighbor, has a new-years resolution to lose some weight. To keep herself accountable, she tries on her bathing suit everyday and looks in the mirror. The result is always an immediate trip to her gym, completely motivated to work hard. #Brilliant

Storm #3
I don't buy a lot of lingerie, but when I do, it is always at La Vie En Rose. I have always found their store to be classy (as opposed to trashy, like many of the other shops here in the honeymoon capital). Because I do shop there, I subscribe to their emails notifying me of sales and special events. This week's email caught my attention only because it arrived at just the right moment, at just the right place in my life right now. It was my perfect storm.

The ad showed a beautiful "20-something" woman modeling a two-piece bikini, advertising for a brand ambassador for their Aqua swimwear line.  

Ok - this is the part you call me crazy.

Typically swimwear models are, like I said, gorgeous, 20-somethings without a single ounce of fat on them. Me: not so much.

I just celebrated my 46th birthday. I am easily 30 pounds over my wedding day weight. I in no way fit the profile of a swimwear brand ambassador and I am not who they are looking for.
I also know that La Vie En Rose does not know that I am not who they are looking for. (wink)

The application process closes on March 9th.

I have some work to do.
I am purchasing an Aqua swimsuit this weekend (still deciding on one or two-piece... what do you think?)
I will, like my neighbor, try it on everyday.
I will post my before and after pictures here on this blog on March 9th as I submit my application. (no way I'm posting them now!)

I invite you to be a part of my journey. I need your encouragement, love and support.
Whether or not I am chosen as the brand ambassador for Aqua, I intend to work hard towards that goal every single day.

So, what do you think? Crazy right?